Our time together was nothing like I had ever experienced. He had me believing in myself in ways I didn't know possible. He brought me out of the shame of being a mother too young - and mostly, he seemed to genuinely care about me. We laughed, we talked, we kissed and after 4 short months, we eloped on my lunch break and got married. You read that right, we went to the courthouse that day at noon to get hitched...December 28, 1999 - Seriously! I will never forget that day. I had to go home and break the news to my parents - and of course, my momma cried and daddy didn't say much. In some ways, I was proud but in others I knew they were disappointed. None-the-less, I packed a few things and started a family that night. It was something I had dreamed of and desired more than anything.
We went on road trips and got lost following directions. We stayed up late. We got our first apartment together. I learned that I was no cook - and fried chicken was hard to make. We learned that ducks are not good pets. We learned that laundry could cause some tension and hiding beer in the bathtub would always be discovered when the parents came to visit. Our life was consistently happy - it was always on the go - and it was young! We lived for the day. I can't exactly tell you what went wrong - but in a few short months things changed drastically. I found out I was pregnant in late February. We talked names and he liked "Hunter" for a boy and "Haley" for a girl. He wanted the middle name to begin with an "R" to have his dad's initials. And so, it was set - we found out we were having a girl later that year and her name was Haley Renee. I can't tell you the day, the argument, the discussion or even why - but we had a big fight. Truth be told, before that day, we had never fought. Fighting was something we didn't do - he came up with a crazy idea and I went with it - or I made a suggestion before he could think of something and that's what we did.
In the blink of an eye, our life changed. I came home the day after our fight from work and everything was packed - there was nothing left to be discussed, or so it seemed. That life was over. There were a couple of brief meetings and exchanges, but our marriage ended that day.
On September 29, 2000, our daughter was born - Haley. I didn't follow through with the Renee - for 2 simple reasons; first, I didn't like the name Renee, and, secondly, I wanted her named after me. So, Haley Elizabeth graced the world. She came in weighing 10 pounds and 1 ounce. A huge baby - cabbage patch size! She was bald, beautiful and built to hold the love Luke and I shared.
As she grew, I remarried. Regretfully, I asked Luke to sign over his parental rights. It was one of those hard decisions, but at the time seemed right. He was absent from our lives totally - he was in war and she was getting ready to start school. So, it happened - his rights were terminated and this new life had begun.
I often wondered if he had the same void I did. Haley, she was the exception. She always knew she was adopted. That her real dad named Luke loved her but it wasn't fit for he and I to be married and raise her together. Her little mind always saw the best in that. I remember the first time she asked me what he looked like. I told her that he looked like her - only she was prettier. She laughed and said "momma boys don't look like girls". I laughed with her and said, "and he's just as funny as you are!" "Really?" she asked, her eyes as big as the sun. "Yes baby girl, one the greatest qualities of your dad Luke." We sat there that day and opened up the b ox that contained what was left of our marriage. She asked a lot of questions and I answered them all. Later, I turned to social media and searched for him, as I had done for years, and his profile popped up. We briefly looked at his picture, I sat quietly allowing her to take it in and ask questions and she was satisfied. Off to being 7 was on the top of her to-do list.
In general conversation Luke's name would come up. She would ask me "do I get this from my real dad Luke or not?" Those conversations were so easy - with butterflies every single time, I would answer them and she was satisfied.
When she was 11, she began asking harder questions. "When can I meet my real dad Luke?" This was a question I wasn't ready to answer for many reasons...but was honest with her...."when the time is right and God say's it is time." Again, she was satisfied with that. When she was 13, we were riding in the car and she looked at me and said "I'd really like to meet my real dad Luke." I told her I knew that - and I asked her had she thought about how it would happen. She told me her dream...."Mom, I think we should go to one of his MMA fights and ask for his autograph. When he looks at me and asks me who to make it to, I'm going to say Haley Day!" Tears seeped my eyes...and I choked with silence. This was really happening - I asked God what to do - wait. That was the only answer I got.
Waiting - I had become very good at that. I went through a nasty divorce that year, but God saw me and the kids through it. Healing went on for the next couple of years and the conversations about meeting Luke died off briefly. Right before her 15th birthday she asked me if we could try and contact him. I knew that question was coming and God had given me the ok to say, "yes". And so, I told her yes. And in today's world, you reach out on social media. I sent him a picture of her and a message of her - and that we had no expectations with exception she just wanted to meet him. She asked me daily had he responded. I always had to say no. Her birthday came and went with no response. She finally stopped asking often and let it be for now.
She and I talked a lot about why there was no response. Of course I told her be open minded - I knew her dad loved her - but it just wasn't time. One Saturday, I was shopping when my phone rang. It was a number I didn't know - and a number from another area code. I answered it and it was Kristen, my stepdaughter and now friend. She was calling to tell me that she had a connection to Luke and knew that Haley wanted to meet him. She asked if I wanted her to offer our phone number for him to contact us and of course I said yes. I cried that hour - and felt completely weird. A good weird, but weird none-the-less. I didn't speak of this to Haley, because truth be told, he may not be receptive. So, again, I waited. Deep down I knew God was at work...and of course He never disappoints.
Several weeks went by and no response. One day, sitting at my desk, my phone went off. It was Kristen. The words I had been praying for were in my text messages. "I got a text from Luke". My heart raced. My eyes watered. A smile crept over my face. My hands shook. My stomach turned. Seriously, did I read that correctly?! I asked her to call me - and she did. I wanted to make sure I was understanding what she was saying. "Luke wants your phone number so he can talk to you about meeting Haley!" Literally, I lost words. Less than 15 minutes later, my text message went off again. "Once upon a time in a land far away, Cocoa, Florida, you once knew this young, energetic charismatic guy. Guess who!?"
Aside from blinking a million times and rereading it two million times, I responded. It didn't take long until we were both filled with excitement through text messages about Haley. He told me he never saw my message...that "message request option wasn't something he knew how to access" otherwise we would have already heard from him! I shared everything I could think of - her humor, her zeal for life, her beauty, her voice, her love, her kindness, her hard shell, her ability to be a friend for life, her good grades, her characteristics that were like his, her everything. In each response, his love that he had held inside all these years began to come out. Oh it was magical - to be able to share this prefect creation with the other half of her was everything I could have dreamed and more. Without getting too mushy here, it wasn't long before he realized not only did I not hate him, but that neither did Haley.
It truly never crossed my mind that he thought that. Haley has always known that she was the best parts of me and her real dad. She always referred to him as that - because she too knew that her connection to another human was deep and real.
Anyway, that night around 11:00 p.m., my phone rang - I had literally just got up from praying beside my bed - and the name "Lucas" was on my caller ID. Every single blood vessel was pumping hard...I could literally hear my heartbeat and feel it beat in my feet. I answered and his voice was not what I remembered - a true surfer city boy was on the other line. Comical and excitement seeped from each word he spoke. We filled each other in on the last 16 years in a quick nut shell and he asked if he could come that week to meet this wonderful, beautiful daughter that he has missed for 16 years. And of course, the plan was made.
He would come that Friday and meet Haley face to face for the first time in her memory. Haley had colorguard tryouts that Friday night and wouldn't be home until sometime after 5p.m. So, I would pick her up, run her home to "change" and we would go to dinner. Talk about a nervous wreck - those words give zero justice to how I felt that whole week. Friday came. I was so nervous I left work an hour earlier than originally planned just so I could get myself together. Haley was going to literally have a cow - in every single way - a huge cow! To see her dad for the first time since she was weeks old was something I only dreamed about for her. He messaged me and admitted his nerves were high also. He was more nervous than I was, and honestly that was a relief. He arrived, and as soon as I saw him in person, I remembered how much Haley looked like him. So surreal. Emotions were high all the way around. We spent the next 4 hours catching up on life and Haley. She called one time and needed me to bring her food - talk about being even more nervous. She looked at me when I got to the school and said "mom are you ok?" I said "of course, I'm so excited you have tryouts today! We are going to go to dinner afterwards." She said "ok, but you are being weird". Seriously, I was trying hard to be normal - I mean the only thing was her only dream in life was in the car, right outside and I still couldn't tell her!
Anyway, I finally got the call from her that tryouts were over and I could come get her. So, I did. He waited at the house for our arrival. I told her we needed to run home so she could change, and she said "mom, I can wear this." Ummmm....me, "well, it might be cold in the restaurant." Her, "mom, what is going on? You are being so weird!" Me, literally fighting back tears, "ok, I have a surprise for you at home." Her, "what is it?" Me, "you'll see." We get home, she is still telling me how weird I'm being. We walk inside...and on the back of the couch is an envelope with her name on it and the words "I heard you wanted this..."
She opened it, and just like in her dream was an autographed picture of her dad Luke after winning a fight. She burst into tears. Then the words I had to say...."Haley, look, he's here." And from there, the new beginning came. She fell with disbelief and total shock. She cried and cried. She wept and kept saying "oh my gosh! Oh my Gosh!" The embrace between the two of them was something I will never forget. To watch your child become whole again after a very long few years and not knowing the love of a true genuine father - an unconditional love - was humbling and heartbreaking all at the same time.
I captured that moment and posted it for her and the world to see...
https://youtu.be/uILiydMnKy8
Their first moments together consisted of him staring at her and her starring back. Her saying she was glad he was here and him telling her he wanted to be no where else. Here they are, after the crying stopped...their first photo...and it is still just as heart warming today as it was then...May 13, 2016. She knew his love for her from that moment and he knew her love for him in that moment.
The rest is being written. I'll post another update about the summer and all of our time together. After all, she now has 2 biggest fans - her mom and now her dad!!
1 comment:
What a beautiful story.....I can't wait for the update!!
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