It is no secret that Haley is the best parts of me and her dad. He's funny, charismatic and charming. I'm meek, mild and a realist. She keeps a very busy schedule as a teenager. She enjoys having purpose and playing sports. If there is ever idol time, we do things like this (click here). One of her greatest qualities is her personality - as seen here (click here). A big ball of happy, always smiling and a hilarious life.
She has played sports most of her life. From t-ball to gymnastics and playground jungle gyms to 5k runs - she is very active. She loves others. Her personality is so big she comes across as annoying! Here are a few snap shots of her in her glory. I apologize in advance for the "overkill" in pictures - but truly she is very active and has been her whole life!
From cheerleading to dancing
From baptism and committing her life to Christ to winning MVP awards
From dressing up for beauty pageants to competing in state gymnastics
From competition cheerleading and winning trophies to winning 3rd in state gymnastics
From being a silly energetic team player to being an All-Star
From winning best offensive player to loving on children from Uganda
Loving the game to pulling her own teeth (I never was able to do that)
From achieving academic excellence to keeping everyone laughing behind the scenes
She played and competed in travel volleyball all over the south
She has always been the princess - a true house of love
She has kept me on my toes her whole life. Haley and I have always been close. As the saying from Forrest Gump, "we are like peas and carrots". She was the child that required me to hold her 100% of the time. No matter where we were, how big she was or what I was doing - she wanted me touching her or looking at her. She has always been drawn to me on every level. Throughout her life I was secretly and selfishly thankful that I didn't have to share that with another human. I truly knew that no matter what, her love for me never waivered. I think that is one of the things that made her the house of my love for her dad. That love. That need. That desire. That piece that loved me enough to say I was enough and all she needed. Throughout her life, she and her brother, my wonderful and loving son, Chandler, were the pillars that carried me many miles. If there was one thing that was right in the world, these 2 were my greatest blessings from God.
In her lifetime, she has seen good and evil - she has experienced love and forgiveness - she has been held with compassion and remorse - she has given all and had it all taken - she has always smiled and cried - she has always found the best in people and given laughter to each memory. Haley Elizabeth - meaning meadow (Haley) and fullness of God (Elizabeth). She is absolutely that. Depression during pregnancy with her was easy. (My story and testimony will come in another post). Some days I ached so bad from the inside out that my mom had to literally drag me out of the house. Her need and desire for me lit a fire inside my soul that reminded me she and her brother were my life and my blessing. Piece by piece her daily doses of "needing her mommy" put me back together.
And so, her life was that - happy with some hard knocks.
Her dad has shared a lot of his sadness with me about missing the first 15 and a half years of her life. His words sting my heart. It is no secret that to know Haley is to know happiness. In the short amount of time they have been reunited, some days the love of life she has brings him to tears. In a conversation we had he shared that he "hates himself" for missing so much. Truth is, I do too - not because Haley "missed out" on anything in life, but because he did. Her love for life has only taken on new heights since May of 2016.
He shared that he has followed me on social media for as long as he could find me - which had been years ago. He admired Haley's smile and her inner beauty that shined through each picture. He wanted to insert himself but didn't feel he had the right. He longed for us to reach out to him so he could be a part of her life. We just didn't know it.
This is the very first sporting event that her dad was able to come to. It was so surreal to have him there. Sitting on the sideline with him - cheering for our daughter - one of the greatest treasures thus far as a co-parent with him. I remember unpacking the car for the tournament. I'm the typical "softball" mom (minus the shirt that say's "Haley's mom #33"). I have a wagon that holds everything needed for the day - snacks, sunscreen, chairs, umbrella's, coolers, frog-togs, camera, fans, band-aids, and everything else. The look on his face as the wagon was being filled was priceless. He said "you really come prepared"....my response, "I sure do - preparation is half of the success." Sitting on the sideline waiting for the games to start I could feel his sadness and excitement. I could sense his awkwardness - he had dreamed of this opportunity and here it was about to unfold. In that conversation his words were sincere and humble - as I began to watch him watch her, my heart was overcome with feelings of pride and peace. God had finally revealed to me that His plan was on time. Through all of these years, Haley's dad was a man of steel and grit. He was a man of hardness and sacrifice - now, he was a man as soft as the teddy bear in her room. He was a man of feeling and remorse. He was now newly purposed and knew it.
Haley had a great game and a great stats. She hit well, ran well and mostly smiled the biggest I'd seen her smile at a game in a long time.
In conversation with Luke, he grieved over the stories thus far in Haley's life. It was apparent right in the beginning that he was going to struggle forgiving himself for some of the hardships we faced after he left. But for him, that was necessary. I remember sitting in the floor, listening to him beat himself up over everything he missed and God gave me these words... "Lucas, what did you get for Christmas when you were 7 years old? What were you doing the summer you were 10 years old? What was your favorite memory when you were 15? What you fail to see is that God's mercy brought you here to her 15th year because THIS year, her memories take on new meanings and will stick forever. This memory of you will rate at the top of her forever memory - one that won't be forgotten. At 7 years old, this reunion wouldn't mean what it means now!"
His response, "but Rachel, I missed her first steps and her first words. I missed her first day of school and when she rolled over. I missed helping you take care of her."
My response, "But Lucas, you haven't missed taking care of her - I need help now; you haven't missed her first car; her first real boyfriend; her first real adult moment; her first real day of college or even her senior year; you haven't missed walking her down the isle or her first baby; you haven't missed her first day of driving alone or even her first car date; you haven't missed speaking into her life and showing her the love you have for her! That is a blessing!"
It was with those words he began to look at it differently. He, like myself, is a very imperfect parent. But, he is by far the best daddy Haley could ever have. She does after all, get her wit from him.
Which brings us to these "FIRSTS"...
Their first solo trips in town while I was at work. Let me pause here, that smile on her face is total and pure love and joy. And that look on his face is total peace and purpose!
Luke's 36th birthday...you only get one of those in each lifetime
Haley's first time winning area in volleyball as a varsity lady Bulldog
Haley's first games played at the state level...
That girl gets her ability from her daddy!!
Her first color guard competition of the 2016 season
Her first summer tournament win of 2016
Her very first car was given to her by her daddy!
Her very first picture of her, her daddy and her little brother, Hunter
Her first Father's Day with her daddy
Here is some irony and good gene pool pictures :)
The picture on the left was both of them before they ever met!!
Haley and her little brother at about 4 years old
The relationship between them is not always a walk in the park. She is the typical 16 year old. She keeps our hands full, our hearts in check and our hugs on reserve. Some days her attitude is for the birds and other days it is for Mother Mary. Her dad wouldn't trade her for the world, and she wouldn't trade him for a million dollars. Some days are like oil and water while other days are peas and carrots.
Sharing her and that love she has hasn't been nearly as difficult as I thought it would be. Actually, it hasn't been hard at all. She is still a momma's girl - but she is now also her daddy's world - and that makes life better.
Some of the greatest words my mom ever gave me was "time will heal all things" - little did I know that healing comes in many forms - and it all started with a conversation at church back in 1999.
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