Life With Dad Begins

So, in my previous post (click here) I shared the story of my daughter and her dad meeting for the first time in 16 years. 

It is no secret that Haley is the best parts of me and her dad.  He's funny, charismatic and charming.  I'm meek, mild and a realist. She keeps a very busy schedule as a teenager.  She enjoys having purpose and playing sports.  If there is ever idol time, we do things like this (click here).  One of her greatest qualities is her personality - as seen here (click here).  A big ball of happy, always smiling and a hilarious life.

She has played sports most of her life.  From t-ball to gymnastics and playground jungle gyms to 5k runs - she is very active.  She loves others.  Her personality is so big she comes across as annoying!  Here are a few snap shots of her in her glory.  I apologize in advance for the "overkill" in pictures - but truly she is very active and has been her whole life!

From cheerleading to dancing

  

 

From baptism and committing her life to Christ to winning MVP awards

 

From dressing up for beauty pageants to competing in state gymnastics

 

 

From competition cheerleading and winning trophies to winning 3rd in state gymnastics

 

 

From being a silly energetic team player to being an All-Star

 

 

From winning best offensive player to loving on children from Uganda

 

 

 

Loving the game to pulling her own teeth (I never was able to do that)

 

 

 

From achieving academic excellence to keeping everyone laughing behind the scenes

 

 

She played and competed in travel volleyball all over the south

 

She has always been the princess - a true house of love

 

 

She has kept me on my toes her whole life.  Haley and I have always been close.  As the saying from Forrest Gump, "we are like peas and carrots".  She was the child that required me to hold her 100% of the time.  No matter where we were, how big she was or what I was doing - she wanted me touching her or looking at her.  She has always been drawn to me on every level.  Throughout her life I was secretly and selfishly thankful that I didn't have to share that with another human.  I truly knew that no matter what, her love for me never waivered.  I think that is one of the things that made her the house of my love for her dad.  That love.  That need.  That desire.  That piece that loved me enough to say I was enough and all she needed.  Throughout her life, she and her brother, my wonderful and loving son, Chandler, were the pillars that carried me many miles.  If there was one thing that was right in the world, these 2 were my greatest blessings from God.

 

In her lifetime, she has seen good and evil - she has experienced love and forgiveness - she has been held with compassion and remorse - she has given all and had it all taken - she has always smiled and cried - she has always found the best in people and given laughter to each memory.  Haley Elizabeth - meaning meadow (Haley) and fullness of God (Elizabeth).  She is absolutely that.  Depression during pregnancy with her was easy. (My story and testimony will come in another post).  Some days I ached so bad from the inside out that my mom had to literally drag me out of the house.  Her need and desire for me lit a fire inside my soul that reminded me she and her brother were my life and my blessing.  Piece by piece her daily doses of "needing her mommy" put me back together.

 

And so, her life was that - happy with some hard knocks.

 

 

 

 



Her dad has shared a lot of his sadness with me about missing the first 15 and a half years of her life.  His words sting my heart.  It is no secret that to know Haley is to know happiness.  In the short amount of time they have been reunited, some days the love of life she has brings him to tears.  In a conversation we had he shared that he "hates himself" for missing so much.  Truth is, I do too - not because Haley "missed out" on anything in life, but because he did.  Her love for life has only taken on new heights since May of 2016. 

 

He shared that he has followed me on social media for as long as he could find me - which had been years ago.  He admired Haley's smile and her inner beauty that shined through each picture.  He wanted to insert himself but didn't feel he had the right.  He longed for us to reach out to him so he could be a part of her life.  We just didn't know it.

 

This is the very first sporting event that her dad was able to come to.  It was so surreal to have him there.  Sitting on the sideline with him - cheering for our daughter - one of the greatest treasures thus far as a co-parent with him.  I remember unpacking the car for the tournament.  I'm the typical "softball" mom (minus the shirt that say's "Haley's mom #33").  I have a wagon that holds everything needed for the day - snacks, sunscreen, chairs, umbrella's, coolers, frog-togs, camera, fans, band-aids, and everything else.  The look on his face as the wagon was being filled was priceless.  He said "you really come prepared"....my response, "I sure do - preparation is half of the success."  Sitting on the sideline waiting for the games to start I could feel his sadness and excitement.  I could sense his awkwardness - he had dreamed of this opportunity and here it was about to unfold.  In that conversation his words were sincere and humble - as I began to watch him watch her, my heart was overcome with feelings of pride and peace.  God had finally revealed to me that His plan was on time.  Through all of these years, Haley's dad was a man of steel and grit.  He was a man of hardness and sacrifice - now, he was a man as soft as the teddy bear in her room.  He was a man of feeling and remorse.  He was now newly purposed and knew it.

 

Haley had a great game and a great stats.  She hit well, ran well and mostly smiled the biggest I'd seen her smile at a game in a long time.

 

 



  

 

In conversation with Luke, he grieved over the stories thus far in Haley's life.  It was apparent right in the beginning that he was going to struggle forgiving himself for some of the hardships we faced after he left.  But for him, that was necessary.  I remember sitting in the floor, listening to him beat himself up over everything he missed and God gave me these words... "Lucas, what did you get for Christmas when you were 7 years old?  What were you doing the summer you were 10 years old?  What was your favorite memory when you were 15?   What you fail to see is that God's mercy brought you here to her 15th year because THIS year, her memories take on new meanings and will stick forever.  This memory of you will rate at the top of her forever memory - one that won't be forgotten.  At 7 years old, this reunion wouldn't mean what it means now!" 

 

His response, "but Rachel, I missed her first steps and her first words.  I missed her first day of school and when she rolled over.  I missed helping you take care of her."

 

My response, "But Lucas, you haven't missed taking care of her - I need help now; you haven't missed her first car; her first real boyfriend; her first real adult moment; her first real day of college or even her senior year; you haven't missed walking her down the isle or her first baby; you haven't missed her first day of driving alone or even her first car date; you haven't missed speaking into her life and showing her the love you have for her!  That is a blessing!" 

 

It was with those words he began to look at it differently.  He, like myself, is a very imperfect parent.  But, he is by far the best daddy Haley could ever have.  She does after all, get her wit from him.

 

Which brings us to these "FIRSTS"...

 

Their first solo trips in town while I was at work.  Let me pause here, that smile on her face is total and pure love and joy. And that look on his face is total peace and purpose!

 



 

 

Luke's 36th birthday...you only get one of those in each lifetime

 

 

Haley's first time winning area in volleyball as a varsity lady Bulldog

 

 

Haley's first games played at the state level... 

 

That girl gets her ability from her daddy!! 

 

 

 

 

 

Her first color guard competition of the 2016 season

  

 

Her first summer tournament win of 2016

 

Her very first car was given to her by her daddy!

 

 Her very first picture of her, her daddy and her little brother, Hunter

  

 

Her first Father's Day with her daddy

 

Here is some irony and good gene pool pictures :)

The picture on the left was both of them before they ever met!!

 

 

Haley and her little brother at about 4 years old

 

The relationship between them is not always a walk in the park.  She is the typical 16 year old.  She keeps our hands full, our hearts in check and our hugs on reserve.  Some days her attitude is for the  birds and other days it is for Mother Mary.  Her dad wouldn't trade her for the world, and she wouldn't trade him for a million dollars.  Some days are like oil and water while other days are peas and carrots.

Sharing her and that love she has hasn't been nearly as difficult as I thought it would be.  Actually, it hasn't been hard at all.  She is still a momma's girl - but she is now also her daddy's world - and that makes life better.

Some of the greatest words my mom ever gave me was "time will heal all things" - little did I know that healing comes in many forms - and it all started with a conversation at church back in 1999. 

 

The House That Built Us

In the summer of 1999 in the town of Cocoa, Florida, I met a 19 year old hysterical, charismatic, lean, full of life, cute boy.  Everyone called him Luke.  I was in church, and was a young mother.  I walked over and introduced myself to him - simply because my Sunday School teacher was the preacher's wife and she asked me to.  And so, I did.  Brave and outgoing I was not.  Anyway, I caught a brief gaze with him and the next thing I knew, this boy was talking to me and came to class.  From that day forward, we talked and spent time together every day. 

Our time together was nothing like I had ever experienced.  He had me believing in myself in ways I didn't know possible.  He brought me out of the shame of being a mother too young - and mostly, he seemed to genuinely care about me.  We laughed, we talked, we kissed and after 4 short months, we eloped on my lunch break and got married.  You read that right, we went to the courthouse that day at noon to get hitched...December 28, 1999 - Seriously!  I will never forget that day.  I had to go home and break the news to my parents - and of course, my momma cried and daddy didn't say much.  In some ways, I was proud but in others I knew they were disappointed.  None-the-less, I packed a few things and started a family that night.  It was something I had dreamed of and desired more than anything. 

We went on road trips and got lost following directions.  We stayed up late.  We got our first apartment together.  I learned that I was no cook - and fried chicken was hard to make.  We learned that ducks are not good pets.  We learned that laundry could cause some tension and hiding beer in the bathtub would always be discovered when the parents came to visit.  Our life was consistently happy - it was always on the go - and it was young!  We lived for the day.  I can't exactly tell you what went wrong - but in a few short months things changed drastically.  I found out I was pregnant in late February.  We talked names and he liked "Hunter" for a boy and "Haley" for a girl.  He wanted the middle name to begin with an "R" to have his dad's initials.  And so, it was set - we found out we were having a girl later that year and her name was Haley Renee.  I can't tell you the day, the argument, the discussion or even why - but we had a big fight.  Truth be told, before that day, we had never fought.  Fighting was something we didn't do - he came up with a crazy idea and I went with it - or I made a suggestion before he could think of something and that's what we did.

In the blink of an eye, our life changed.  I came home the day after our fight from work and everything was packed - there was nothing left to be discussed, or so it seemed.  That life was over.  There were a couple of brief meetings and exchanges, but our marriage ended that day.

On September 29, 2000, our daughter was born - Haley.  I didn't follow through with the Renee - for 2 simple reasons; first, I didn't like the name Renee, and, secondly, I wanted her named after me.  So, Haley Elizabeth graced the world.  She came in weighing 10 pounds and 1 ounce.  A huge baby - cabbage patch size!  She was bald, beautiful and built to hold the love Luke and I shared. 

As she grew, I remarried.  Regretfully, I asked Luke to sign over his parental rights.  It was one of those hard decisions, but at the time seemed right.  He was absent from our lives totally - he was in war and she was getting ready to start school.  So, it happened - his rights were terminated and this new life had begun. 

I often wondered if he had the same void I did.  Haley, she was the exception.  She always knew she was adopted.  That her real dad named Luke loved her but it wasn't fit for he and I to be married and raise her together.  Her little mind always saw the best in that.  I remember the first time she asked me what he looked like.  I told her that he looked like her - only she was prettier.  She laughed and said "momma boys don't look like girls".  I laughed with her and said, "and he's just as funny as you are!"  "Really?" she asked, her eyes as big as the sun.  "Yes baby girl, one the greatest qualities of your dad Luke."  We sat there that day and opened up the b ox that contained what was left of our marriage.  She asked a lot of questions and I answered them all.  Later, I turned to social media and searched for him, as I had done for years, and his profile popped up.  We briefly looked at his picture, I sat quietly allowing her to take it in and ask questions and she was satisfied.  Off to being 7 was on the top of her to-do list. 

In general conversation Luke's name would come up.  She would ask me "do I get this from my real dad Luke or not?"  Those conversations were so easy - with butterflies every single time, I would answer them and she was satisfied.

When she was 11, she began asking harder questions.  "When can I meet my real dad Luke?"  This was a question I wasn't ready to answer for many reasons...but was honest with her...."when the time is right and God say's it is time."  Again, she was satisfied with that.  When she was 13, we were riding in the car and she looked at me and said "I'd really like to meet my real dad Luke."  I told her I knew that - and I asked her had she thought about how it would happen.  She told me her dream...."Mom, I think we should go to one of his MMA fights and ask for his autograph.  When he looks at me and asks me who to make it to, I'm going to say Haley Day!"  Tears seeped my eyes...and I choked with silence.  This was really happening - I asked God what to do - wait.  That was the only answer I got.

Waiting - I had become very good at that.  I went through a nasty divorce that year, but God saw me and the kids through it.  Healing went on for the next couple of years and the conversations about meeting Luke died off briefly.  Right before her 15th birthday she asked me if we could try and contact him.  I knew that question was coming and God had given  me the ok to say, "yes".  And so, I told her yes.  And in today's world, you reach out on social media. I sent him a picture of her and a message of her - and that we had no expectations with exception she just wanted to meet him.  She asked me daily had he responded.  I always had to say no.  Her birthday came and went with no response.  She finally stopped asking often and let it be for now. 

She and I talked a lot about why there was no response.  Of course I told her be open minded - I knew her dad loved her - but it just wasn't time.  One Saturday, I was shopping when my phone rang.  It was a number I didn't know - and a number from another area code.  I answered it and it was Kristen, my stepdaughter and now friend.  She was calling to tell me that she had a connection to Luke and knew that Haley wanted to meet him.  She asked if I wanted her to offer our phone number for him to contact us and of course I said yes.  I cried that hour - and felt completely weird.  A good weird, but weird none-the-less.  I didn't speak of this to Haley, because truth be told, he may not be receptive.  So, again, I waited.  Deep down I knew God was at work...and of course He never disappoints. 

Several weeks went by and no response.  One day, sitting at my desk, my phone went off.  It was Kristen.  The words I had been praying for were in my text messages.  "I got a text from Luke".  My  heart raced.  My eyes watered.  A smile crept over my face.  My hands shook.  My stomach turned.  Seriously, did I read that correctly?!  I asked her to call me - and she did.  I wanted to make sure I was understanding what she was saying.  "Luke wants your phone number so he can talk to you about meeting Haley!"  Literally, I lost words.  Less than 15 minutes later, my text message went off again.  "Once upon a time in a land far away, Cocoa, Florida, you once knew this young, energetic charismatic guy.  Guess who!?"

Aside from blinking a million times and rereading it two million times, I responded.  It didn't take long until we were both filled with excitement through text messages about Haley.  He told me he never saw my message...that "message request option wasn't something he knew how to access" otherwise we would have already heard from him!  I shared everything I could think of - her humor, her zeal for life, her beauty, her voice, her love, her kindness, her hard shell, her ability to be a friend for life, her good grades, her characteristics that were like his, her everything.  In each response, his love that he had held inside all these years began to come out.  Oh it was magical - to be able to share this prefect creation with the other half of her was everything I could have dreamed and more.  Without getting too mushy here, it wasn't long before he realized not only did I not hate him, but that neither did Haley.

It truly never crossed my mind that he thought that.  Haley has always known that she was the best parts of me and her real dad.  She always referred to him as that - because she too knew that her connection to another human was deep and real. 

Anyway, that night around 11:00 p.m., my phone rang - I had literally just got up from praying beside my bed - and the name "Lucas" was on my caller ID.  Every single blood vessel was pumping hard...I could literally hear my heartbeat and feel it beat in my feet.  I answered and his voice was not what I remembered - a true surfer city boy was on the other line.  Comical and excitement seeped from each word he spoke.  We filled each other in on the last 16 years in a quick nut shell and he asked if he could come that week to meet this wonderful, beautiful daughter that he has missed for 16 years.  And of course, the plan was made. 

He would come that Friday and meet Haley face to face for the first time in her memory.  Haley had colorguard tryouts that Friday night and wouldn't be home until sometime after 5p.m.  So, I would pick her up, run her home to "change" and we would go to dinner.  Talk about a nervous wreck - those words give zero justice to how I felt that whole week.  Friday came.  I was so nervous I left work an hour earlier than originally planned just so I could get myself together.  Haley was going to literally have a cow - in every single way - a huge cow!  To see her dad for the first time since she was weeks old was something I only dreamed about for her.   He messaged me and admitted his nerves were high also.  He was more nervous than I was, and honestly that was a relief.  He arrived, and as soon as I saw him in person, I remembered how much Haley looked like him.  So surreal.  Emotions were high all the way around.  We spent the next 4 hours catching up on life and Haley.  She called one time and needed me to bring her food - talk about being even  more nervous.  She looked at me when I got to the school and said "mom are you ok?"  I said "of course, I'm so excited you have tryouts today!  We are going to go to dinner afterwards."  She said "ok, but you are being weird".  Seriously, I was trying hard to be normal - I mean the only thing was her only dream in life was in the car, right outside and I still couldn't tell her!

Anyway, I finally got the call from her that tryouts were over and I could come get her.  So, I did.  He waited at the house for our arrival.  I told her we needed to run home so she could change, and she said "mom, I can wear this."  Ummmm....me, "well, it might be cold in the restaurant."  Her, "mom, what is going on?  You are being so weird!"  Me, literally fighting back tears, "ok, I have a surprise for you at home."  Her, "what is it?"  Me, "you'll see."  We get home, she is still telling me how weird I'm being.  We walk inside...and on the back of the couch is an envelope with her name on it and the words "I heard you wanted this..."

She opened it, and just like in her dream was an autographed picture of her dad Luke after winning a fight.  She burst into tears.  Then the words I had to say...."Haley, look, he's here."  And from there, the new beginning came.  She fell with disbelief and total shock.  She cried and cried.  She wept and kept saying "oh my gosh! Oh my Gosh!"  The embrace between the two of them was something I will never forget.  To watch your child become whole again after a very long few years and not knowing the love of a true genuine father - an unconditional love - was humbling and heartbreaking all at the same time. 

I captured that moment and posted it for her and the world to see...
https://youtu.be/uILiydMnKy8

Their first moments together consisted of him staring at her and her starring back.  Her saying she was glad he was here and him telling her he wanted to be no where else.  Here they are, after the crying stopped...their first photo...and it is still just as heart warming today as it was then...May 13, 2016.  She knew his love for her from that moment and he knew her love for him in that moment.

The rest is being written.  I'll post another update about the summer and all of our time together.  After all, she now has 2 biggest fans - her mom and now her dad!!

2016 Update

As 2016 continues to chug along, a lot has happened.  After the birth of my second nephew, we came home to reality.

Mom's birthday was celebrated with family in Greenville!!

 

Me, Mom & Rebecca

The Hatch Girls

 

Chandler, Me & Haley

 

Aunt Lisa and Me

 

Me & Haley

 

Me and my sweet Granny!  I love her so.  It's such a blessing to have her.  As my only living grandparent, I cherish all things with granny.  I don't call or go see her enough.  She is sometimes grumpy and tired, but her love never fails.  She's my granny Frank and I love time with her!

 

Rebecca, Haley and I headed to Nick & Jackie's wedding.  We sure do clean up nicely :)

 

 

The kids finally got to see Carter.  With an unexpected death, we rejoiced with Carter's new life.  Chandler sure has pure love for this little guy!

 

 

Carter and Grandpa.  As I look at this picture I'm reminded that life is fragile.  As time passes, memories are what makes life worthwhile.  It's quite amazing how one little new human life brings out the sappy in everyone.  Dad loves his grandchildren - and they love him!

 

Life is just better with A-man and RayRay.  We are like peas and carrots!

 

And getting to feed little man makes me want to get a rocking chair and babysit more babies! LOL

 

 

Haley and her Deep South Volleyball team got to go to Orlando Florida to play in a tournament.  It was a great experience.  There was a lot to be learned and many lessons to build on.  They didn't win a trophy or even a ribbon, but they did play as a team and grew as players.

 

Haley & Tori

These 2 are high school teammates and travel teammates.  I couldn't ask for a better friend for Haley.  Tori is my other daughter.

 

Coach J - let me count the ways.  This lady right here has woken Haley's desire to be a great athlete in the sport of volleyball.  She pours into each of her players and Haley Elizabeth LOVES her!!

 

I could NOT get over the amount of people and players at the Orlando Florida tournament.  Over 89 courts playing at one time.  Such a great learning experience.

 

What's a little getaway without some shopping.  Haley and Tori are natural beauties :)

 

The car ride with these two was awesome!!  Couldn't ask for better music pickers! LOL

 

High School Softball was fun this year.  As the starting short stop for the Andalusia Bulldogs, Haley rocked the field every game with heart and competition!  I love my #33!!  This picture shows Haley in a nutshell!!  She's the life of the party - and the field!

 

 

This was after the first game of the season - she had the winning hit hitting a double and scoring 2 runners!  It was a beautiful sight if I say so myself!

 

 

Mother's day was awesome this year.  I am blessed with 2 of the greatest kids in the whole world!!  Nothing like beach therapy on that beautiful day!!